


The Adventures of Antonio Banderas

by PBJellie



Category: South Park
Genre: Canon Era, Comedy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 07:34:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15359457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PBJellie/pseuds/PBJellie
Summary: Cartman brings a friend to class.





	The Adventures of Antonio Banderas

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, Metro.

“This wouldn't happen if you guys weren't so blatantly homosexual,” Garrison glared at Tweek and Craig from the black board. 

“Gah! It’s not our fault, man. You can't pin this on us! You can't, man!” Tweek screamed, knees banging into his desk. 

“Calm down, honey,” Craig droned. “Mr. Garrison is just a fuckface, anyways.” 

“Hahahah,” Stan laughed, elbowing Kyle and pointing, “do you see this, dude?”

“Yes, Stan, I can see,” Kyle sighed. “This is going to end badly.” 

“Teacher!” Butters interrupted, “I'm afraid if I sit by Mr. Antonio Banderas that I'm going to get grounded.” 

Garrison took a breath, and did a quick sweep of the room. He held that breath, and for the ninth time in the last hour, questioned why the hell he became a teacher. Sure, the police wouldn't take him, but he could have been a security guard, or some other job that let him have a baton. Teachers weren't even allowed to hit the students anymore. He’d learned that in onboarding, which ruined his whole plan. As he took another breath, he tried to steady the rage inside him. 

“Now listen here, you little tit suckers, I need everyone to shut their big fat mouths, and sit in their goddamn seats!” 

“Mr. Garrison?” Scott asked, hand in the air while still standing. 

“What is it, Scott? Did someone put a hard candy on your desk and now you’re too scared to sit down?” 

“That's funny,” Clyde snorted, “because he's got diabetes. Do you get it? Token?” Token didn't respond, he just let his head bang into the desk. Why didn't he take his parents offer to go to private school?

“Scott, sit your ass down or I swear to God, I will send you to PC Principal and you'll spend your whole day being lectured about politeness and positivity. Do you want that, Scott? Do you want to test me?”

“No sir,” Scott said with his lisp, “but Eric’s doll has taken my seat.”

“His name is Antonio Banderas and it's my constitutional right! You’re infringing on my freedom! It’s the second amendment, the right to bear arms! To think in this great country, you’d try to take away my God given rights. How dare you, sir! How dare you!” 

Eric was red in the face by the time he was done shouting. Mr. Garrison had turned himself toward the board mid rant, head in his hands. If there was ever a purge, which he was hopeful there would be, he'd use his second amendment rights to shoot that fatass in the middle of the eyes. And he'd pop that blow-up doll too. 

Or face fuck it. 

Maybe he'd face fuck it, then shoot it with his dick still in its mouth. 

“Just stand in the back then,” Garrison groaned. “Try not to infect the class with your diabetes.” 

“Okay, Mr. Garrison.” 

“Good, you little fuckers sit tight, and we're gonna learn about how Buffy The Vampire Slayer began the demise of TV and vampires in one fell swoop.” 

“Mr. Garrison?” Eric asked, waving his hand in the air. “My mom doesn't let Antonio Banderas watch TV. She takes him to her bedroom whenever I watch Terrance and Phillip.” 

“Wonderful, Eric,” he groaned. “Maybe we can just deflate Mr. Banderas and throw him in the goddamn garbage if he's going to keep interrupting my class.”

“Constitutional rights,” Eric chanted, pounding on the desk. He kept hitting the desk, trying to get the other students to join. 

The room was silent. 

“Eric,” Garrison groaned, “go see PC Principal.” 

“Fine! Me and Antonio Banderas will talk to the principal about how our second amendment rights are being trampled on!” He fought to unwedge himself from the desk, then pulled the doll by the hand and stormed out of the room. “You're all sheeple!” He screamed as the door shut behind him. “Sheeple to the slaughter!” 

“Alright class, let's start with how Buffy opened the door for vampires, masters of the night and sex gods, to be the glittery bullshit we see now."


End file.
